I work with families and kids every single day. I hear their stories…the heartbreak, the confusion, and the quiet moments when they say, “I just don’t know why people are so mean.” I’ve sat in those still, sacred spaces while children have cried from sadness and fear. I’ve spoken with parents who have lost their children to bullying. And in so many cases, it all started with words.
Lately, I can’t help but think about what our children are watching and hearing. The tone, the language, and the public examples being set by adults, especially those in positions of authority, are louder than we realize. Whether we want to believe it or not, kids are paying attention. They listen to what adults say and how we say it. And when people in power resort to insults, name-calling, or intimidation, they’re not just expressing frustration –they’re modeling behavior. And our kids are watching every. single. second. of. It. So how are we supposed to talk to our teens about kindness, empathy, and resilience when so many adults are normalizing the opposite?
I say it in every school assembly and youth conference: Words have power. They shape how we see ourselves and others. They build culture. Children learn that culture from us. Every word we speak, post, or shout in anger teaches something about how power is used. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that verbal aggression has the same long-term emotional impact as physical bullying. The brain processes social rejection and humiliation in the same regions that register physical pain. In other words, when someone is demeaned or mocked, their body reacts as if they’ve been hit. Words bruise. They just don’t always leave visible marks.
I know this firsthand. From the age of two until thirteen, I experienced daily verbal abuse. The words left deeper wounds than any physical harm ever could. That’s why I am passionate about helping parents and educators teach children that being verbally abusive is not normal — and it’s not okay.
The reality is that bullying doesn’t start in middle school hallways; it starts long before that. Studies show that children exposed to demeaning communication by adults are far more likely to mirror that behavior. They grow into adults who use the same tactics. Sometimes as parents, sometimes as leaders. When adults use intimidation or mockery, children internalize it as a model for how power works. Children learn that empathy is optional. That’s not leadership. That’s insecurity disguised as authority.
Then throw social media into the mix. Our kids are growing up in a world where cruelty can be broadcast, shared, and amplified in seconds. Pew Research reports that nearly 60% of teens have experienced online harassment. I believe the number is even higher. I ask students in every presentation what they think the biggest problem with social media is — and their answer has been the same for twelve years: cyberbullying. What truly breaks my heart is that many of them have stopped speaking up. “Everyone talks like that,” they say. Cruelty has become normal. When adults use bullying language, online or offline, they validate that culture. They teach kids that cruelty is entertainment, that humiliation is a punchline, and that tearing others down is a form of power. But it’s not. That’s not leadership. That’s cowardice.
So what is the real impact? Words can kill. Victims of online harassment are more than twice as likely to attempt suicide. Mockery can turn into tragedy. Language can fuel hate crimes, normalize violence, and destroy empathy. Every time an adult belittles another human being, kids are learning that empathy is optional. We cannot afford that lesson — not now, not ever.
What can we do? Our kids deserve better examples. They deserve leaders. In homes, classrooms, and communities. Leaders who lift others up instead of tearing them down. Real power isn’t proven by who we silence but by who we support.
So yes, I’m frustrated. Maybe a bit angry. Angry that I have to keep writing about this. Angry that cruelty has become casual. Angry that kids are scrolling through the chaos of adult behavior online and wondering if kindness still matters.
It does.And it starts with us.
Let’s teach our children through how we speak, how we post, and how we lead that strength is kindness, that respect is power, and that real leadership never needs to bully to be heard.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
