Kids are persistent. If they set their minds to access something, they’ll likely find a way. Their efforts to find content they shouldn’t see online are no exception. Research shows us that most inappropriate content is accessed for the first time by accident, usually due to an unrestricted device either at home or through a friend’s device. However, the second time is most likely on purpose.
I was chatting with a mom in a parenting group that I am a part of, and she had recently come across a journal in her son’s room. She read a bit of it and discovered that he has concerns about his growing pornography addiction. She was shocked. And of course, concerned. She expressed that she did not know how he had access, as she had done everything “right” to protect him. He has restrictions on his phone, she utilizes Bark, they have a router setup with parental settings and she has open discussions with her son. This led to a bit of research on my part, as I know there are other “non-traditional” ways to access inappropriate content…But I was curious myself how he might have access.
A few interesting places popped up. Teens are using Spotify to access inappropriate content. Pinterest, which showed up in 2020 as a “new” place for content, is still hanging around. Roku evidently has sexualized anime. Kids can get spam email links or junk pop-ups while on YouTube Kids. If your child has a Kindle, they can access not only inappropriate content but also have direct conversations with others. Netflix and Amazon Prime are two other sites that, if not restricted, kids can use for access.
So what do we do to protect our kids, minus wrapping them in bubble wrap, blindfolding them, and shipping them off to an off-the-grid island somewhere? Because it can feel like no matter where we turn, we are met with another challenge.
To keep us from feeling like the sky is falling, there are a few things we can do. First, deep breaths. You cannot control everything. What we CAN do is prepare our kids for what they may encounter and then control our response when they come to us with any concerns.
Second, open conversations around what they may see, and what to do if they encounter something they are not comfortable with.
Third, set boundaries. Have restrictions placed on devices BEFORE you give them to them. Also set home boundaries like where they can use their device (in the common areas of the home, only with you present, only at certain times of the day, etc).
Four, create a safe space. Let them know they can come to you with anything, without feeling ashamed. You want them to feel safe enough to trust that you will provide love and support should they find themselves in a hard situation, versus being met with blame and shame. Last, make sure your personal phone is a safe device. How many times have we let our kids use our phone to play a game for a few minutes and forgotten that they have it? Kids are curious and will hop off the game and into everything else if they know that access is available.
We also want to make sure we are leading by example. And remember, you are in the driver’s seat. If at any time you do not feel comfortable with a certain game or device, you can make immediate changes, even if your kid has had the device for two days or two years. It does not matter. Their safety is your priority.
Protecting our kids from online dangers is not easy. Knowing you are the one making decisions on what is allowed in the home, empowering them with the tools they will need when they do encounter inappropriate content, and continuing your open, supportive conversations will set you and your child up for success when it comes to navigating the online world.
Kristi Bush serves as a national education consultant and social media safety advocate. She is a licensed social worker with greater than 15 years of clinical practice and health care experience. She attended Troy and Auburn University where she studied social work and counseling. Kristi travels nationally and has spoken with thousands of children, parents, professionals and organizations about the benefits and threats associated with social media. You may reach Kristi through her website at www.knbcommunications.com.
