Last week, I wrote a letter to my children. It was full of words I wish I’d said years ago. It wasn’t a list of excuses or explanations. It was a confession. Parenting has a way of humbling even the most well‑intentioned among us, and after more than two decades of raising, fostering, and learning from thousands of children, I’ve realized that the mistakes I made weren’t signs of failure. Instead, they were an opportunity to grow as a parent and a person.
I am sharing these mistakes here so that some parents will know they are not alone. I am also hopeful that these words may prevent some of you from making them.
First, I trusted everyone else’s advice more than the Holy Spirit’s nudge in my own chest. I read the books, sought wise counsel, and listened to the experts, but forgot that God had already equipped me to parent the children He gave me. Wisdom from the experience of others matters, but discernment matters much more.
I also let my children’s behavior convince me I was failing. When they struggled, I assumed it reflected my shortcomings. I didn’t yet understand that behavior is simply communication, and not a scoreboard of my competence.
Fear shaped far too many of my decisions. I said I trusted God, but my parenting often revealed otherwise. Fear made me reactive. I should have leaned more into my faith.
In trying to protect my kids, I sometimes blocked the very experiences God wanted to use to shape them. Discomfort is often the doorway to maturity.
I avoided anything that felt risky, rather than teaching them to handle risk with wisdom. Whether it was technology, driving, or independence, I defaulted to restriction instead of instruction. Control felt safer than coaching.
I expected great attitudes even when the task was miserable. I still struggle with this, but I demanded positivity instead of allowing us all to embrace our emotions.
I highlighted their failures more than their growth. I did see their progress, but I was more focused on “fixing” what was wrong instead of celebrating what was right.
I treated skill deficits like character flaws. I labeled immaturity as disrespect, forgetfulness as rebellion, and overwhelm as defiance. I didn’t yet understand the difference between “won’t” and “can’t.” More than anything, I wish I had leaned in and helped more.
I assumed the worst before I ever looked for the truth. Fear and exhaustion do that, but I should have paused long enough to see things accurately.
Finally, I talked so much that I forgot to listen. I filled the silence with lectures, instructions, and warnings. What I know now is that my children needed me to listen without judgment. They often knew the right answer; they just needed an opportunity to get all their thoughts out.
These mistakes don’t define me, and they don’t define you either. Parenting is not a performance. If we allow it to be, it is the healthy formation of our children and ourselves. If you find yourself in any of these parts of this list, let my mistakes teach you. Awareness is not condemnation; it’s the beginning of humility that leads to wisdom and understanding.
Dr. Beth Long received her education in Counseling Psychology from Chapman University. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Beth has worked in six unique clinical environments across the country and currently owns Works of Wonder Therapy in Montgomery. Beth utilizes the knowledge from a variety of different disciplines to give her patients the best care possible. To learn more visitwww.worksofwondertherapy.com
